Time Will Tell
by thecommanderkirk
Summary: James Vega and Commander Shepard let their guard down on the Citadel. Now they have to deal with the ramifications of their night together. Can they overcome their own doubts in time to deal with the Reapers?
1. Chapter 1: Aftermath

CHAPTER 1: Aftermath

He could remember the feel of her skin, the taste of her lips, the sounds she made under his touch. He had never felt more alive than he did in her bed. Last night was the best night of his life and now it was over. He woke up and immediately felt the waves of regret wash over him. She was Commander Shepard, savior of the citadel and paragon of humanity. He was just a grunt with the title lieutenant commander. He broke regs, but that wasn't what was weighing on him now. He was more concerned with the fact that he just ruined whatever bond he had with Lola.

They had fallen into a routine with each other over the last 11 months. It started on earth. He cared for her in a way that few other marines did. To him, she was more than just a hero. She was a person who had given her whole self to the Alliance and they repaid her with imprisonment. James saw the injustice of her situation and he felt like he had to make up for it. For everything wrong they did to her he needed to pay her a kindness; if to serve no other purpose than to keep her faith in humanity. Commander Shepard would later realize that James Vega had been the one thing that kept her from the brink of insanity.

They told stories in her cell; their greatest missions, life as a soldier and not much else. They both shied away from the personal things like family or failures. They were both broken in their own ways and couldn't bear the weight of exposing their regrets, even with one another. It was nice for each of them to have someone who understood how not to infringe on the painful bits of their lives.

Then, five months ago, Earth was attacked and they were thrown into this life. Fighting the Reapers in some roundabout political way. It was harder on James but Shepard was always there to pull him through. And as they neared the end and there was nothing left but to attack Cerberus and head to Earth, Shepard threw one hell of a party. It was in part to allow her team to relax before the onslaught and in part, to make the necessary preparations to the ship. James and Lola got drunk and they ended the night in bed together. Two halves of a whole that neither person knew they needed. And James didn't want to see the truth of it.

He wanted to believe that it was simple; that they were friends and that she was just his mentor. He wanted to believe that last night was the product of frustration and alcohol and that everything would return to normal. He wanted to believe that he didn't need her because he knew very well that he was probably going to lose her, to the Reapers, for the sake of a war that she had been fighting before anyone else believed it was real.

James tried to find solace in his work. When that didn't happen he tried to find peace in exercise but that failed too. His mind was on a road that always led back to Shepard.

He would remember little things at first. How he expected their night together to be hot and messy. He would remember how it was surprisingly and uncomfortably tender instead. He would remember the anticipation and the trepidation he felt with each of her advances. He would remember how it felt to have her under his fingers. He would remember the sight of her shirt coming over her shoulders. He could do nothing else but remember his night with Shepard and it confused him to no end.

He couldn't get her out of his mind and it was starting to agitate him. James Vega was not afraid of feelings most of the time. He was caring and found himself easily invested in the wellbeing and happiness of others but this was too much for him. He needed to be alone. He could feel the stares of the few people that were in the cargo bay, Esteban included. It was driving him mad.

It took James only a few moments to realize that the port observation room would be empty after a party like last night. No one would want to be within sight of alcohol, since most of the crew would be dealing with the worst hangovers of their lives. James hoped that the quiet would help him calm his aching mind. He left his workstation and made his way to the elevator.

His erratic behavior did not escape the notice of his friend Esteban.

* * *

The bar was empty and silent and James was extremely thankful for this. He didn't think he could manage to feign small talk with some crew member that he had no real connection with. He needed to figure out how to deal and quickly. The Normandy was heading to Cronos Station and Vega wanted to have a level head before they had to take on Cerberus.

James stared out into the void of space. The intention was to clear his mind but it would always wander back to Lola. He began to wonder when she realized that she wanted him. When did her feelings shift from respect and friendship to lust? James' confusion intensified as he grappled with things he could never find answers to by himself.

He sat there ruminating over Shepard for a good thirty minutes before anyone disturbed him and in that time he began to feel worse about everything that had happened. He might lose Lola sooner than he was prepared for and that was killing him inside.

Esteban waited for his presence to be acknowledged. Realizing that it wasn't going to happen anytime soon, he cleared his throat to get James' attention.

"Oh, Hey man." James said in a startled sort of way. He had been too far in the depths of his own mind to notice his friend's entrance.

"I never took you to be the brood in the corner type."

"Yeah, well I never thought I would have something to brood about."

"You know, in all the years that I've known you, I have never seen you this torn up over a woman." Esteban teased in the hopes of lessoning the grief written all over Vega's face.

"How did you…?"

"You and Shepard are not the most discrete lovers my friend."

"You think we're…It was just one night hombre."

"No it wasn't. You can pretend all you want but you started this dance back on Earth."

James knew that he was a flirt and a shameless one at that but he didn't think anything more of it. Not until yesterday. Now, well, now he didn't know if it all meant something more.

James sunk his head into the palm of his hand. He didn't know what to do or where to go from here and he certainly didn't know what to say to Steve. His mind was a maze that he couldn't navigate even if he had a map.

"Do you want some advice? Life as we know it is ending. If she were gone tomorrow, would you be able to live without her? Not just as a friend. Would you be able to live knowing that you would never hold her again, kiss her again? Could you move on knowing she didn't know how you really felt? If it's killing you that you aren't spending what could very well be your last moments with her right now, then you need to go tell her. I've spent more than two years living in a pool of regret, you have a chance to avoid that."

Vega stared at a spot on the floor near his feet. Esteban had just shared the weight of his past and James knew how soon that could be his reality. In a day's time he could be the one living with sorrow and pain over what could have been. He thought carefully over what Steve asked. Could he manage to live his life without her?

The painful truth was no. He couldn't live this _day_ without her. How was he supposed to manage weeks, months, or years without Lola? You would think that this realization would make James' course of action clear. Find Shepard and confess that last night meant everything to him. Tell her that he needed her in ways that he couldn't yet fathom. But, the thought of doing this made James sick. He could very easily be the only one who felt this way. She never hinted at wanting anything more than sex. What if his confession fell on deaf ears and she wanted nothing more than friendship?

"What do I do if the answer to all that is no?"

"Well, I can't really help you there. I got to get back to work anyway. If you need anything…Well, you know where I'll be."

"Yeah, thanks."

It wasn't easy for James to be alone after the conversation he had with Steve. The quiet he had yearned for earlier was now crushing him. He was conflicted and didn't know how to resolve his problems. On the one hand he could tell Shepard everything; confess his feelings and hope for the best. This option hinged on the idea that she would reciprocate these feelings in some way. The thought of her not feeling the same for him tore at his chest.

The alternative was to keep this to himself. He could try to maintain the playful friendship that they had shared for nearly a year but he knew that every flirtation would carry new meaning behind it, at least for him. Every comment would be weighted and every time she would leave he would yearn for her just a little bit more.

This option would eventually overwhelm him. But then again, eventually might never get to happen. Maybe this option would spare James the pain of rejection. Maybe if one or both of them dies he could be content with the night they shared.

And then, James thought about how he wouldn't be content with this. One night with her was priceless but it would never be enough. She was like a drug, and he was addicted.

James stood up and paced the room. It wasn't a very large room so he found himself walking in circles more than anything else. He felt like a coward. He couldn't handle this. James laughed at how much of a fool he was. This was why he didn't fraternize. Things get complicated and no one makes it out unscathed. This was the lesson he learned from many of the military relationships he witnessed.

Two people fall in love. They end up on opposite ends of the galaxy. Maybe they still love each other but the distance is too hard to overcome. Or maybe someone dies. Maybe someone cheats. The possibility for failure is everywhere in the military and James had never seen someone successfully overcome that.

Vega was usually an optimist but self-doubt was something he had learned well after Fehl Prime and ending up on Omega. But there was something else he learned there too; sometimes there isn't a perfect choice. Sometimes there is just the best choice under the circumstances. He just wished he could figure out what that was right now.

He tried to think about a time before last night, before things became complicated. His mind drifted to the first time he ever flirted with Lola.

_She had reached her breaking point. Shepard had been trapped in this room for more than a month and nothing could console her anymore. What was she supposed to do? If she didn't destroy the relay everyone would be dead. The weight of the lives she took, took a toll on her. 305, 362 souls were on her hands and she had no say in the matter. Now she was here, in a room. She had no ship, no crew and everyone now called her a traitor. She could feel her anger rising causing everything to annoy her more. She tried to calm herself but today had been the final straw. They were retrofitting the Normandy for Admiral Anderson. She respected the man and technically it had been his ship first. But the Normandy held special meaning for her and now it would never be her ship again…Shepard sank to the floor and let her head fall between her knees. She cried for the first time in ages but it did nothing to soothe her._

_James usually knocked. Commander Shepard was not someone he wanted to piss off. She was a hero regardless of her imprisonment. But today he heard her from outside the room. It was muffled but he knew the sound of crying anywhere. He keyed in the code to get into her room and was shocked at what he found. He never saw the Commander as small, but in this moment she looked fragile. Shepard looked up at him from the floor with eyes that were swollen and red. He was taken aback and could do nothing but stare._

_"Could you do me a favor Lieutenant? Go away." Each word was punctuated with anger and he suddenly understood what she was feeling. She couldn't handle the betrayal anymore. The alliance was her home, her family and they were treated her like an ingrate. He wasn't sure if he could handle it any more either._

_"I have a better idea Commander."_

_"I am not a Commander anymore remember?"_

_"Bullshit. You will always be Commander Shepard. Anyway, I have a bottle of tequila in my room. I might get fired for this but you look like you could use a drink."_

_She chuckled at the thought of him getting fired. Not because it was amusing but because it had been a long time since someone was willing to stick their neck out for her. _

_"You trying to get me drunk?"_

_"No, I am trying to cheer you up. A beautiful woman like you should never be in tears."_

_"Beautiful, huh?"_

_"Downright hot."_

_"I'll have to remember that."_

_As Vega walked out of the room he chuckled. He just hit on Commander Shepard and she didn't kill him. _

Vega was lost in his memory for longer than he intended and it didn't help him in the least. Did these feelings exist even then, when he barely knew her?

Vega was getting angry, last night was messing with his head. A week ago he was content killing Reapers and fighting the war. He was good at being a jarhead. She had put this notion in his head; the idea of _them_. He couldn't do this. Even if they could be together, this wasn't the right time. If he let his feelings get the better of him, they could all die before their fight was over.

He made up his mind in that moment. If anything were going to happen it would have to be after they both survived. He needed to be clear with Shepard because he didn't think that he could handle the flirting if they weren't both on the same page.

He stood up with clear purpose for the first time in nearly 24 hours. This wasn't the solution that he wanted but it was the solution that he knew he needed. He walked into the hallway just as he saw the elevator doors opening. He ran to catch the elevator before it left crew deck, and then he saw her.


	2. Chapter 2: Countdown

CHAPTER 2: Countdown

Shore leave was always the best. Every soldier looked forward to the few days where they could be whoever and whatever they liked. There were no CO's, alcohol was abundant, and everyone lived as though they could be killed tomorrow because that was a real possibility.

Soldiers in the Alliance lived for shore leave. They would plan to party, find someone to warm their bed, and forget that they were the people in charge of defending all of humanity. They usually forgot that their crazy nights led to crazy hangovers. They forgot that they all would make horrible decisions. They would always remember the good and forget the bad.

Shepard was no exception. This time though, her mistakes followed her back onto the ship. She had built a friendship with James. She worked to let her guard down. She worked to build him back up after the shit he had gone through. They were a team, and she ruined it.

They flirted sure. A lot of marines flirt with each other but it doesn't mean anything beyond friendship. Shepard wished that she had remembered that last night.

She wished that over the last few months should could get out of her own head. She made this whole thing up. James was a flirt, she was a flirt. That was it. And Shepard still found herself hoping for more. Every time his eyes would wander, every time he joked about being together, her heart would melt. She fell for him even though she knew it would always be one sided.

It should have stayed that way but liquid courage is a dangerous thing. Fucking shore leave.

_Garrus was sitting at the bar where they were supposed to meet. He was, hands down, Commander Shepard's best friend. They had been siblings in arms for years and he was one of a small group of people that never doubted her. So she would always treasure the time they had to spend together. _

_She sat next to him and he wordlessly pushed a drink into her hands. It would be the first of many. It was their way and they spent the next few hours reminiscing and trying to look for the light at the end of a very big, very dark tunnel. _

_They talked of a hopeful future where they could live normal lives. It was unrealistic and they both knew it but sometimes you have to be an optimist to survive. _

_Then it happened, the topic of family broke their blissful bubble._

_Garrus was still trying to rebuild his relationship with his dad and his mom just passed away. Shepard just got a phone call from her mom that sounded like a goodbye. Neither of them had much hope for the future. _

_Eventually they stopped talking. They both knew the pain that the other felt and that was enough. They didn't need to dwell on it. _

_Shepard left the bar after that. She wandered around for a while staring at the bright lights. She was particularly distracted by an elcor actor when her omni-tool pinged. _

_'Got something to show you. -Vega'_

_She typed in a quick response and headed home._

_He walked in nearly on her heals. James, for being such a massive human, was light on his feet and nearly silent. Shepard was still a little drunk but she didn't think that was the cause of the warmth she felt staring at his well-defined chest._

_She couldn't remember what they said to each other but they flirted for a minute or two and then her brain decided to take it a step too far. She moved in close, so close to him that she could feel his breath on her shoulder. She wanted to kiss him then and there. But she waited for him to make a move. _

_Instead he looked afraid. It was like a knife was twisting in her gut. She wanted him in a way she didn't think she could overcome but he clearly didn't feel the same way. She backed away and let him be. _

_Vega showed her his tattoo and then went to leave. He didn't make it very far before finding her heavy bag. She watched the way he moved, a balance of power and agility. She ached for him. But she now knew that she would never have him._

_They fell easily into their normal camaraderie. She took to doing pull ups and not so easily, bested James' record. He left after that and she was relieved._

_Then the party happened. Shepard drank with Garrus in one room, then Wrex in the next. It was her tactic for avoiding her own misery. Soon even her biotics couldn't counter the effects. She held herself together in spite of it though. Shepard made her way from the bar to the living room and saw James for the first time since the party began. He was relaxed and having a good time. Shepard sat with him in the hopes to erase her momentous mistakes from earlier. Instead she coerced the conversation to sex. Of course she would. Why did she drink? It always led to stupid things._

_But he seemed into the idea. That, or the alcohol was clouding her perceptive skills._

_Throughout the night she would find James and try to pull him away, somewhere secluded. It took nearly the whole night. In her drunken stupor she thought it was worth it. She pushed so hard for one night with him. He was tender and they took their time but she could see his doubt._

_He was afraid to be there._

Shepard felt like she forced James to sleep with her. This feeling left her extremely uncomfortable. In her mind she had sexually harassed her friend because she was horny. She messed this up and she didn't know if she could ever fix it. Her friendship with James Vega was ruined.

Shepard couldn't stay in her cabin any longer. She knew that if left alone with her thoughts, she would not be able to focus on ending the war. She decided it was best to make rounds and see how everyone was fairing post shore leave. It would give her something to focus on at least.

The elevator doors opened to the CIC and Shepard was taken aback by how bright everything was. Hangovers made ship life terrible. The artificial lights all seemed brighter, people's voices got louder, and the coffee ran out sooner.

She muscled through the throbbing in her head and made her way to the cockpit. Joker was, well let's just say he was feeling the effects of shore leave just as much as Shepard.

"You could let me fly the ship and rest for a few more hours, Jeff"

"Thanks EDI, but this is the only place where I feel better."

"Very well, Jeff"

"You feel like crap too Joker?"

"Yeah. I have extra coffee if you want some."

"I don't think coffee is strong enough to erase the effects of last night."

"Suit yourself Shep. Hey, I saw you and James disappear together last night."

"Jeff, you did not see them leave together. You merely commented on the fact that they were both not visible at the same time."

"Yeah, that's what I said EDI. Anyway, you two a thing now?"

Shepard didn't know what to say. She couldn't really refute the fact that she slept with James since everyone on her crew spent the night in her apartment while it happened. She wanted to just drop the subject but if she acted even the least bit uncomfortable, Joker would pry. He was very good at that. She went with the simple truth.

"No."

Joker had a sixth sense when it came to Shepard. If she lied to him, he would know in a heartbeat. He also knew when something was terribly painful for her. Sometimes he would still ask about it to see if he could help but matters of love were not his forte.

"Yeah well…" Joker let his voice trail off. He didn't need to say it. Shepard knew that he would be there if he needed her.

"Yeah… Well, I have to go see if the Alliance needs any last minute things handled before I kill the Illusive Man." Her voice inflected oddly in her attempt to convey levity.

"You make it sound simple."

"In the hopes that it will be."

"Fair enough, see ya Shep."

She went to her terminal. She wasn't joking when she said she was checking for any more Alliance missions. The Brass seemed to enjoy sending her all over the galaxy. It was getting old but she knew that no one else could get the job done right now, not with Earth being occupied. The only message she found waiting for her though was from Cortez.

_Hey Shepard,_

_I really don't know what happened with you and Vega last night. Don't really want to honestly but he is all over the place today. You might want to talk to him before Cronos._

_Steve_

Shepard wanted to bang her head against a wall. She was already feeling horrible about what had happened last night. Now James was probably dealing with the gravity of what she had done.

Shepard tried to keep calm but she could feel Traynor's eyes on her. This was not the time for her crew to see her fall apart so she decided to take her leave.

Her cabin was the only place where no one would see her. Sure anyone could come knock on her door but she would have time to compose herself before their judging eyes were on her.

Unfortunately, that knock came far too soon for Shepard's liking, except it wasn't a knock. Garrus never knocked when he came to check in on Shepard. Why should he? She never knocked when she came down to the main battery.

He came in quietly. Calm and cool as ever he just sad down next to her.

"Want to talk about it?"

_How the hell does he know these things? _

"Talk about what?"

"Whatever is keeping you locked away in your room." Garrus didn't turn his gaze away from the fish tank. He didn't need to, he could tell she was going to lie before she even spoke.

"It's nothing."

Shepard didn't want to deal with the pain. She wanted to push it aside and pretend everything was normal. Maybe if she just pretended for long enough it would come true. Garrus would never let that happen though.

"Then why didn't you interrupt my Calibrations today?"

"Cause you always say 'maybe later' when I try to hang out. Figured I would try later for once."

"You know that I know you too well for this lying thing you're doing, right?"

Shepard knew this would happen. Garrus was too good to her to let her sulk. He was stubborn and persistent too which meant this conversation could go on for ages. Maybe he could help her now anyway.

"Figured I would give it a shot anyway."

"I'm going to go ahead and guess that this is about James. Might get us to the talking part faster."

"It might…"Shepard paused as she considered where this might lead. If she were completely honest Garrus might see her as a horrible person. She pressured Vega to go to bed with her. Maybe Garrus should see her as terrible, it was the truth.

Shepard finally managed to choke out a proper response. "Yeah, it's about Vega."

"I thought you liked the kid."

"Don't say kid. You'll make me feel worse…and old."

"What's bothering you Shepard? You like Vega. Is this some weird human thing?"

"No, I just… made a mistake and I can't take it back."

"You and Vega… That was a mistake?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Ugh, why do you ask questions Garrus? It makes it hard to avoid my problems."

"I ask questions my friend because avoiding your feelings will distract you, and then I will have to pull your butt out of the fire, as usual. I'm trying to save myself some grief here. You didn't answer my question."

Shepard waited. It felt like she was savoring the last few moments before Garrus would see what she knew. She was sick.

"I made him do it." Each words was more difficult to say than the last. Shepard couldn't look at Garrus after that. She couldn't see the disgust that would be forming in his eyes or the watch him try to find something to say. She wanted to run and get away from everyone but on a ship, there's nowhere to go.

"What are you talking about Shepard?"

"I made him. He didn't want to and I kept bringing it up. I couldn't take the rejection. I couldn't let it go." She started crying. Garrus heard Shepard's breathe hitch and he didn't have to think about what to do. He pulled her in close and held her. It was a gesture that they had practiced time and time again. It didn't matter that they fit together in awkward ways. Shepard had learned to associate the angular body of Garrus with comfort. Garrus, in turn, learned that Shepard was tougher than she looked.

"Shepard, look at me."

She hesitated. She feared his reaction more than anything. Was this the point where he tried to leave? Had Garrus Vakarian given up on her? She slowly looked up into his ice blue eyes only to be surprised by the warmth behind them.

"You didn't make Vega do anything."

"But"

"But nothing. I was there you know. He might have hesitated, but wouldn't you? I mean you are _the_ Commander Shepard."

"You didn't hear what he said."

"I heard more than you. I was there when he stumbled up to Cortez at the bar. He couldn't believe that you were serious. He thought it was a sick joke. Shepard, Vega has a thing for you and it scares him."

"But, he didn't want"

"To mess things up."

Shepard suddenly felt drunk again. The kind of drunk where your mind can't keep up with the world. Garrus was saying things that didn't make sense. At least, they didn't make sense for her understanding of what happened last night.

"But…What did he say exactly?"

"You really want to know?" Shepard merely nodded. "Okay then. He found Cortez at the bar and threw himself into a seat. Trust me, it wasn't very graceful. He basically told Cortez that he wanted to do whatever you wanted to. Then he took it back and said he didn't know what you wanted exactly. There was some stuff about being confused. Then he sat there questioning your feelings for him. I may, uh, have egged him on…"

"What?!" Shepard reacted more than thought. She hit Garrus in the arm has hard as she could muster but it's not a very effective tactic against someone who never takes off their armor.

"Calm down. I know you too well sometimes. You like him Shepard, any sapient creature could tell you that. I just told him that you don't jump into bed just because you want to get laid."

Shepard's hangover was immediately worse. James wanted it? Then why would he be so reluctant? If James had come to her asking to spend the night she wouldn't have resisted in the slightest. But, Shepard was also the impulsive sort. James was too though. This all just made her head hurt.

"I wasn't wrong was I?" Garrus suddenly sounded unsure.

"About?"

"You liking him."

"No."

It hurt Garrus to hear the words. He would never say it out loud but he loved Shepard. She was the one person in the galaxy who understood him. Other people tried, Shepard just did. So now as she was slipping into the arms of someone else Garrus found himself troubled. He was even helping her.

Garrus was about to give Shepard the advice that he used with her over the last three years. He hoped that it would help her more.

"So, he either feels the same or he doesn't. Offer to forget about last night and go back to the way things were. If he wants to be something more, he'll tell you. Shepard, if it is meant to be, it _will_ happen."

"Yeah…"

Her mind was somewhere else and Garrus' words had barely registered. She did notice him getting up to leave and mumbled some sort of goodbye in response.

There was too much for Shepard to think about. The war, Cerberus, Reapers, Earth, Death, Life and now love? Fate is a sick and twisted mistress. Her troubled mind could attest to this.

She eventually gave up on figuring out the meaning of it all in that moment. It was something she would have to think about for a while before she would know what to do next. She needed to finish her rounds anyway.

She avoided the cargo bay. Even if James wasn't there, Cortez would bring it up and her brain was spaghetti at the moment without his influence.

Her trip through Engineering was uneventful and as Shepard walked back to the elevator she braved a glance down at the cargo bay. She could easily make out every crew member through the window but she didn't see James.

"EDI?"

"Yes, Shepard?"

"Where is James?"

"Lieutenant Vega is in port observation."

"Thank you."

Shepard knew exactly where she wasn't going to go. I wouldn't be that hard to skip port observation. The day after shore leave no one would really want to be in there anyway so why would she check?

Shepard noticed that her hangover was dissipating as she stepped into the elevator. One of the many benefits of biotics was the higher metabolism and cell regeneration rates. This meant that her body could deal with toxins faster, i.e. shorter hangovers.

The elevator came to a stop and the doors began to open slowly just as James ran up to them.


	3. Chapter 3: Truth Be Told

CHAPTER 3: Truth Be Told

Both Shepard and James held their breath. Each was trying to read the situation and figure out what their next move would be.

For Shepard, everything had Garrus said to reassure her went out the window. Her self-doubt surged and the need to apologize overwhelmed her. She should have acted like a professional. She should have remembered her duty. And she sure as hell shouldn't have forced him into that bedroom. She could barely bring herself to look at James. His mouth was ajar and she could see shock and apprehension spread across his strong features. She knew that it was all her fault.

James was speechless. His resolve was dissipating as he took in the sight of Lola in front of him. Her hair was falling out of its bun. Her eyes widened slightly as she took in the sight of him. The top button of her Alliance uniform had come undone and James could just make out the beginning of her collar bone. She was a mess and gorgeous all at the same time. It was too much for him to process. He wanted to run, to hide all his feelings and wait until he could muster up more resolve. He remembered bits and pieces of their night together and wanted nothing more than to relive it every night, for an eternity. But there was something else in her expression that drew attention back to the present moment. Something he couldn't quite place. Fear? What could she possibly be afraid of?

Shepard felt the silence around her. It was pressing down on her with more force for each second that they stood there. He probably hated her now. Shepard's feelings swelled and she couldn't suppress them. In this whole war she never was overcome by her doubts. Stressed sure, uncertain always, but doubtful? This was something she would never be accustomed to. She felt her heart quicken and her breathe became shallow. A knot formed in her throat and she tried desperately not to fall apart but this was all too much for her. She was barely keeping it together without James staring at her.

A single tear fell down her right cheek.

James couldn't believe his eyes. She was crying. He didn't stop to think or analyze his next move. He just stepped into the elevator. The doors closed silently as he closed the distance between them. He was timid at first, stopping just in front of her. Then he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close, before kissing the spot where the tear track stained Lola's face. He felt her muscles tense under his embrace. He was uncertain what it meant but he couldn't think of another way to comfort her.

Shepard couldn't hold back the tears any longer. It was as if James' arms wrapped around her were tearing open the flood gates, more tears fell from her eyes. James kissed away each and every one without pause or question. He was just as tender as the night before, only this felt more real. There were no words and no alcohol driving this moment, only their feelings. Shepard didn't do well with feelings.

James knew that they needed to talk and the Normandy's one and only elevator was not the place to do so. He leaned back and pressed the button for Shepard's quarters.

She wasn't sure what was happening. They were going to her room and James was kissing her. She didn't want to do more damage. This wasn't right, he shouldn't be doing this. But some part of Shepard never wanted him to stop. She shook away this thought for a brief moment. She wanted to make sure they were okay before things got any messier.

"James, I don't-"

He silenced her with a kiss. When she pulled away he tried his best to reassure her.

"Shhh, don't worry Lola. We're going to talk, just not in the elevator."

At least he was still calling her Lola. The doors of the elevator opened and James led Shepard into her quarters. They sat on the couches staring at each other for a brief moment before James began.

"I am going to say a lot and I need to know that you will listen to everything before you say anything, okay?"

Shepard nodded in response because she had lost all semblance of language production. She mentally prepared herself for the onslaught that was about to occur. She expected James to be angry or upset. But he kissed her and now she didn't know what the hell she was in for. She didn't know how to prepare herself for what he was about to say.

"I've been racking my brain all day trying to figure out what to do. I can't pinpoint it, the moment where I started to feel something for you. It's been there though, for a while. I just thought… Well, you're Commander Shepard and I'm me. I never thought you could be interested. Then there are regs and the war. I didn't think that even if you were interested that you would act on it. So yesterday you knocked me off balance. I… you wanted me and I didn't know if it would be just for the night or what. So I panicked and looked for ways out. I should have sucked it up and asked you what you wanted but I acted like a fool. Now, well I… I acted like an ass and I pushed you away. And, there is still a war and we could die. In spite of all of this though I still find myself breathless just looking at you." He paused trying desperately to find the right words to convey how he felt for her. "Lola, I… need you. I need to know that no matter what happens, you'll still be there."

Shepard lowered her head. She was relieved that he wasn't angry or hurt but she was also sad. He was right. They could both be dead in a matter of days. Was it worth all that pain to fall for one another? Did they even have a choice? Shepard knew that she didn't, she fell for him long ago.

"I thought you would hate me after last night."

James slowly lowered himself so that he was kneeling in front of Shepard. Even sitting on his knees he was big, still a full head above Shepard. He reached for her hands and brought them to either side of his face.

'I. Could. Never. Hate. You." James punctuated each word by kissing Shepard's wrists.

His act of kindness was too much for her. She began to quietly sob, she was ashamed that she couldn't keep it together and she couldn't believe that he didn't see her actions as she did.

"But, I made you do it."

James scoffed. It would be so much easier if she just could read his thoughts.

"You never made me do anything. Lola, I would've have given anything for that night with you. I want you so much that I don't know how to handle it. All you did was call me out on my own bullshit."

"Are you sure?"

James didn't need words. He sat next to Shepard and pulled her into his lap. He kissed her fully on the mouth and they both felt like fire on the others lips. There was heat and passion and love. James and Shepard had been such a mess because they didn't have the other.

In that moment their lives were simple. They were together and all of their worries were stripped away. There were no titles, no regs, and no war. They just were and it was beautiful. But with everything that was in the way of their happiness, neither person wanted to ask the question that was on both their minds. Shepard braved the words first.

"What now?"

It didn't catch James off guard. Her question was one that he wanted desperately to know the answers to. Originally he thought that they should wait and see if there was even a future to be had. Now though, he couldn't imagine waiting. Every moment of his life was infinitely more precious than the last because she was in it. Shepard was trying to do what seemed impossible. He wanted to spend every moment he could with her, there wasn't room in his heart for regret.

"We enjoy each other. Then we fight like hell to make sure we can keep enjoying each other."

Shepard smirked. His statement was elegant in its simplicity and funny in its impications. She knew in her heart that they were in for a lot of pain if anything went FUBAR, but it didn't matter. Shepard suddenly couldn't remember what it felt like to not have James Vega in her life.

"Enjoy each other, huh?"

James blushed.

"Dios mio, I sound like a pervert. I just mean, this could all be over tomorrow, you know?"

The mood in the room shifted to something solemn and heavy. Shepard knew there was a lot at risk but now there was even more for her to lose.

James must have noticed the shift in her mood because he gently squeezed her in an attempt at reassurance.

"Hey now, thinking about what might happen is going to ruin the fact that I have you here right now."

Shepard sank into James' lap. He was right, if she didn't enjoy this time with him, she would grow to regret it.

They stayed in each other's arms for merely a moment before EDI interrupted them.

"Commander Shepard, we will be arriving at Cronos Station in twenty four hours."

"Well, this was too good to last…Thank you EDI."

"Lola… We still have a day."

"Only a day..."

"A day is better than nothing."

Shepard had the realization that this would be it. The last day of peace they would have before the final assault. Hackett had warned her. They wouldn't be able to keep the attack on Cronos under the radar. The Reapers would know, and would find the Crucible. Her stomach felt like it sank into her feet. She hadn't told the crew yet. More importantly, she didn't tell James.

In his mind this day was going to be followed by a raid on the station and the death of Cerberus. This day would be followed by plenty of ship time and tactical planning. They would have to figure out the best way to attack the Reapers and it would be easier because Cerberus would stop getting in the way.

He thought there would be more time.

Shepard felt evil again. She had known for days but didn't want shore leave to be ruined for the crew. But now, it was ruining a precious moment because she was dwelling on the fact that the clock was ticking far too fast.

James could see the uncertainty brewing behind Shepard's eyes. Her emotions were always hard to read but now they seemed like an impossible code to decipher. There was only one thing James knew for sure. He did not want this to be the way he spent his first few moments with Shepard.

"Hey, your head is a dangerous place to keep things Lola."

"Yeah, I think I'm learning that the hard way."

He chuckled in response and waited for her to share her troubles.

"I just wish I hadn't waited until now to tell you."

"Tell me what?" Vega quirked a brow. He racked his brain for possible confessions but there was no obvious answer.

"This is it."

"What do you mean?"

"Hackett is meeting us at Cronos, with the Crucible. We need fifth fleet to bombard the station. They are defending the crucible so it has to come too. We won't be able to hide the attack from the Reapers. They will know about the Crucible. From Cronos, we have go straight to earth. We'll be home in three days."

James panicked. Three days. If he were the same man that had walked onto this ship 5 months ago, he would jump for joy. He was definitely not that man anymore. His gut sank to the floor. He wanted to plead with Shepard to push the attack on Cerberus. A week maybe? Anything more than a day. He knew that even if nothing went wrong and Cerberus was ended, he wouldn't get to see Shepard much afterwards. They would be in attack mode and would all be focused on Earth. There would be admirals coming and going from the Normandy. They would have to hide their feelings and pretend nothing had happened because regs still stand in times of war.

James knew that life was unfair but this was cruel. He had been knocked down more times than he could count and this seemed like such a low blow.

Shepard could see his face contorting in horror. He was weighing the reality of what time they really had left together. It was all bullshit and she knew it. She had learned to blame the beacon when times got tough, it seemed easier than dwelling on things. Right now though, she just wanted to be with James.

"How about we forget about it for an hour or two? You're here, I'm here and that's what matters right now."

James reached for Shepard without question. He was still pissed at the situation but she was right. They were both here now. He could be pissed when everything was over. Or he could be relieved when he sees her alive at the end of it all.

He kissed her in a way that he hoped would convey his need. He needed her to live, to survive. He needed Lola beyond this stupid war. He wanted to melt into her, to be as much a part of her as he could.

Shepard could feel the desperation in every touch. It was as if James was trying to commit every part of her to memory. He wasn't ready for a goodbye and neither was she but he was still preparing for one.

It wasn't like their first night together. This was something else entirely. There was a dark tone to every touch and every kiss. They took their time with each other. Shepard stripped away Vega's shirt and kissed his chest. He stopped her and took her hand and placed it over where her lips had just been.

"You have my heart Lola, always."

Tears welled in Shepard's eyes. Those words were more powerful than any I love you she had ever heard. This night was more than sex. This night was their commitment to each other. This was the night that would forever change them.

She breathlessly whispered in his ear. "I will come back to you, I swear it. And you better come back to me."

It was what he needed to hear. He took her in his arms and carried her to the bed. It would be a night that they would never forget.


End file.
